How to Avoid Sibling Jealousy
“You like her better than me. That’s why you bought her a new shirt.”
“He always gets a bigger portion than I do.”
Is there any way to make both kids happy?
When you were pregnant with your second child, you had rosy dreams.
You knew there would be some fighting because all siblings disagree sometimes. Still, you figured another child would be a win for both kids—and for you.
What could be better than a built-in playmate?
But now they apparently both feel cheated.
Somehow each one knows that their sibling is your favorite. Their sibling always gets the better end of the deal.
Is there any way to fight the green-eyed monster? How can you help your kids feel contented and cared for?
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Competition is normal
If you have a sibling, then you’ve probably experienced the daily competitions and name-calling. Siblings are practically synonymous with feelings of jealousy.
Let’s face it, we adults often compare our lives to others’. And our kids are living in close proximity with someone at a similar age and stage to them. How do we expect our kids to do otherwise?
Well, there’s plenty you can do to help sibling jealousy become a thing of the past—at least some of the time. Keep reading to learn five strategies you can try.
#1. Why comparison breeds contempt
“Why can’t you sit in your chair nicely? Your sister did.”
Has a comment like that ever slipped out of your mouth?
Comparison statements are normal, but they’re unhealthy for family relationships.
Kids take their parents’ words very seriously. And what you meant to be an innocent comment could become their new mental mantra.
The only person your child should ever be compared to is their former self. Keep this in the back of your mind when you interact with your kids.
#2. Help your child feel like the only one
Does one child feel overlooked by a parent? That’s sure to stir up jealous feelings.
If one child is persistently jealous, sit down with her and get to the bottom of it. What’s leading her to feel this way?
Do you complain often about her misbehaviors? If so, why is she misbehaving?
Is it a call for attention? Can you find another way to discipline so she doesn’t feel like a “bad” kid?
Tailoring your parenting approach for each child may seem time consuming and exhausting. But in the long run, it’ll save you from dealing with tantrums and misbehavior.
So take the time to figure out what kind of personality your child has and what parenting style might be most effective for them.
Ready to help your kids stop squabbling and start getting along?
Download my Sibling Rivalry Troubleshooter free!
#3. Talk about the elephant in the room
Is he upset that his sister got the cookie before he did? Is he complaining that she always gets served first?
These complaints seem ridiculous to adults, but he likely feels very strongly about it. So connect with him by showing that you’re taking the situation seriously.
There’s no need to wallow in the jealous feelings or throw your child a pity party. But do let him know that jealous feelings are natural and normal. Empathize by sharing a time in your life when you felt jealous, too.
And lessen his need to compare. Validate him by letting him know that he’s amazing just the way he is right now.
#4. Focus your beam of bonding
We all like to feel special, and children are no exception.
Every kid needs to know that there’s a place in your heart that’s set aside just for them. Carving out a slice of one-on-one time will make them feel loved and appreciated, and it might just solve the sibling jealousy problems too.
The thought of scheduling time for each child is overwhelming. But with a little thought, you’ll probably find pockets of time that you can easily use.
One way to do it is by tying your bonding time into a weekly activity your child has. Does one of your kids attend dance lessons each week? Make it a mommy or daddy date night after you pick him up. Take him out for ice cream and a chat. Or go to the playground and spend a few minutes on the swings together.
Brainstorm ideas that take little time and money and that your child enjoys. The one-on-one time will help your kids feel important and will give them something to look forward to each week.
As a bonus, you’re developing a routine that you’ll find priceless when your child gets older. When she has a serious topic to discuss with you or wants your input on a big decision, she’ll have an easy way to open the conversation.
Your weekly private time will transform your bond with your child and decrease the sibling rivalry. Win-win.
#5. Get your players into the team spirit
Is competition the root of all evil in your home?
Then brainstorm a way to get your kids on the same team.
Do their rooms need to get cleaned? Resist the urge to turn it into a race against each other. Instead, suggest that they do it as a team and race against the clock.
Hand one child a duster and the other a carpet sweeper. If they finish the job in a half hour, it’s ice cream time!
Do you have a family game night? Try pitting the kids against the parents. Whatever it takes to get your children working on the same team.
And spend family time together reading books or watching movies about the importance of teamwork. Help your children cheer each other on rather than tear each other down.
Ready to avoid sibling jealousy?
Your daughter looks at her lunch, then at her brother’s.
“His pizza has more sauce!”
Your frustration comes roaring back, but you breathe deeply and squeeze her shoulders.
You remind yourself—and her—that it’s normal and okay to feel jealous. That you’re here to support her through those feelings.
You make a mental note to have some extra bonding time and teamwork this week.
And you might even start to look forward to those green-eyed monsters.
Because now you know how to use them to bring your family closer together.
